Big

I don't think I've fully realized that I've grown up. Sure, I'm completely aware of my numerical age, but it seems that I have not fully grasped the implication of my current age. The implication is quite simple- I'm not a child anymore.

Employed. Married. Tax-payer. Voter. All these words apply to me, and it's interesting how much less sting they have now than they did when I was none of these things. There was a time, and it really wasn't too many years ago, when I tied all those words to mature, grown, responsible, adult folks. Somehow, it never clicked to me that I have become one of those adult folk. A part of the trouble is, in my mind, there was suppose to be some drastic change in how I looked, thought and felt when I made the complete transition into adulthood. The reality couldn't be further from the truth; instead, it all happens so gradually, and then one day you wake up and realize how long ago high school was. Suddenly, life isn't the carefree dream it use to be.

What hits me more than anything these days is, as an adult, I have to make decisions. Gone are the days when I was not forced to do the thinking - I could pass that responsibility onto my parents - nowadays the buck stops with me. Advice isn't as forthcoming as it use to be, and even if people as willing to advise, nobody will dare tell me what I should do, even when I want them to. Once my parents would send me to the summer job... Now I have to figure out the sources of income. Once my parents would tell me 'no sex!' Now I have to decide when is the right time to have children. Once I'd whine about not getting to go on a trip... Now I find myself having to deny myself the trip... to save money.

I don't think that as a child I ever truly appreciated what it meant when an adult said "Enjoy yourself - you're young." Now, they say "Enjoy yourself - you don't have children to worry about." I think I'll heed their advice.