Long Lost Love

When I was in grade 6, my father would sit with me every night on our verandah, and we would sit and practice math questions for a few hours. In the weeks leading down to Common Entrance, every night I'd have to do a sample math test. Initially, I was consistently getting 40s and 50s. And then one night, out of the blue, I got 70%. That was the night I fell in love with Mathematics. I never looked back.

Through high school, I was consistently the best at math. I enjoyed it, I craved more knowledge, I loved practicing. Math was my passion. I joined a math quiz team in high school. We did great. I was captain and finals MVP.

In 6th form the passion continued. I started to struggle with all my subjects, including math, but math was the only subject I pushed really really hard to figure out. And I did. I applied to University medical school - for no real reason except that I didn't know what else to apply for - but even then, math was the only thing I truly loved doing.

I got to University, and as usual, math was my joy. Then, I moved into year 2, and UWI stole my joy.

Suddenly, math became a chore. It got confusing, complicated, disjoint, abstract. I didn't know what anything meant, and I didn't understand how to apply my knowledge. It all fell to pieces. Looking back, I think UWI lecturers found a way to make learning too difficult. Add to that the fact that they'd lecture you at a certain level and then quiz you at a much greater level of difficulty. It almost felt cruel. But maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I became so uninterested that I stopped trying.

My grades started to fall. So did my motivation. I got through UWI, somehow, but the love I had for my favourite subject suffered major damage. Now I find that I barely remember anything - the subject I loved so much is now a faint memory.

I've yet to rekindle that type passion for work or study of any kind. I hope I can find it before long- my career depends on it.