I was in conversation with a coworker the other day. Something she was saying to me reminded me of a story I was told recently. In response, I said something close to, "My best friend was telling me about her......" I was cut before I could finish my point- "Your best friend is a girl?" "Yes", I responded, very matter-of-factly. "Are she and your girlfriend good friends?" she asked quizzically. "No", I responded. After a glance and a quick second of silence, the conversation continued as normal.
I wasn't surprised at the questions, though I was a bit disappointed... I was disappointed because there seems to be a commonly accepted set of relationships which simply cannot work, or should not be allowed to work. That a guy and a girl can be good friends without there being strings attached or additional 'benefits' is beyond the thinking of many people. And it's unfortunate.
It's unfortunate because we're saying, in essence, that nobody can be trusted. Girlfriends cannot trust their boyfriends to have close female friends without overstepping his boundaries, and/or the converse- girlfriends cannot trust the girls who come close to their boyfriends. I for one am very careful of the company I keep and I don't get close to people I can't trust. Now one may argue that I can never guarantee that the people I trust won't betray my trust, and that may be true, but the question is, must I then allow myself to stay at arms length from everybody because they MAY betray my trust? I don't think so.
Maybe it is foolhardy of me to believe that it's possible for me to go out with a female friend, or share personal stories, and still remain completely platonic... But I for one would like to think that I can rise above the mentality that being close to someone of the opposite sex means 'me and she deh', or that she's the girl on the side.
And it's funny how some people object to the idea of persons of the opposite sex being best friends. Un-single girls must only be close to girls, and un-single guys to guys. Rubbish!
Let's be fair though. My coworker asked the question she asked because she figures that my girlfriend needs to trust the 'best friend' of mine. I suppose that's understandable, but at the same time, me is big people (lack of good grammar intentional), and I know that I can handle myself, and treat all my relationships with the care and caution they deserve, whether such relationships be with men, women, canine or rats. And that's where the buck stops for me. That it seems inappropriate for some is not my problem. In the same way that they say you don't choose who you fall in love with, you don't choose who you click with. Why should I care that that person wears a skirt?
4 comments:
I think the risk is extremely high that a guy and girl who are very close emotionally (in a platonic relationship) can easily find themself attracted to each romantically. I assume that everybody's mistrust stems from many examples of this, despite the people's best efforts to remain platonic. That said, I still agree with your side of things. You make a good point. I surely do not intend to ditch my close male friends just because I have a boyfriend, and I would therefore be in no position to demand that of anyone else.
'Can't see we're just friends,
they say I'm bunnin' my baby...'
I treasure the friendships I have with the bredren in my life, especially since I didn't grow up with any brothers. I think men and women need a balance, and we rob ourselves of the blessings that can come from relating to members of the opposite gender on a platonic level. Plus, for me, there are just some things that I feel comfortable talking about with a man, than with any of my girlfriends.
stopped by by way of Jamaica Dawta's site.
My best friend is female. We've been friends for more than 15 years. We've never been romantically involved and frankly I don't see it going that way at all. It depends on the boundaries you set for yourselves and the self control that seems to elude many people.
I do agree with you but it's understandable why people are a little suspicious of such relationships. I have quite a few male friends, very close friend I might add, some are married. I have had the experience though of the attached male friends - without any encouragement at all from me, after a while making it known that they might be interested in taking the friendship a step further.
Post a Comment