Time's Up

The cycle never seems to quit. The last few months of my live have been monotonous and active at the same time. Only, the action's taking place in my mind.

I wish I could somehow convert some of that mental activity into physical activity. I wish I had answers, clues, a road map. The world as it is is one big globe of uncertainty; sometimes I wish that the uncertainty that must exist wasn't compounded with more uncertainty I could do without. I'm tired of feeling a mess.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not trying, like I didn't try, like I'm not worth it. I'm tired of having the same answers to the same questions. I'm tired of the same questions over and over, as if I wouldn't make it known if something has changed. I'm tired of that feeling of disappointment, that's conveyed not as much through words, but through the eyes of one who matters so much to me. It's time for it to end.

It's time for me to pull out all the stops, read that road map, and travel every road until I find the right one. It's time for me to decide that anything and everything can be accomplished with the right amount of effort. It's time for me to do what I need to do to make me happy. It's time for me to exercise that independence I so long for. It's time to work.