Misunderstood

People will say we need not care. Live your life the way you want to; say, do, think what you want, and don't give a damn what others feel about you. It's a liberating philosophy, but is it a practical one?

I'd love to say that I'm one to cast away the thoughts of others and live my life disregarding what they say. But if I said that, I'd be lying. Sometimes I wonder if everyone else is lying too. Is it really possible to put aside what others think and feel about you all the time? Is it even a wise thing to do?

I find myself in different situations saying things, perhaps on impulse, but then I look back on what I said wondering, "Should I really have said that? What will they think of me?" I try to avoid that line of thought, but rarely do I succeed. And it's not because I don't want people to know how I feel, it's because I frequently feel like I'm misunderstood, that I'll say 100 words and people will choose 5 of those words to jump off the page at them, even if I considered those 5 to be the most insignificant of the 100. Then all of a sudden, pride becomes arrogance, opinionated becomes tactlessness, directness becomes rudeness. And those things I said in utmost purity of mind are perceived to be the ramblings on a man who is too naive to see his own reality and to accept the truth of life.

Sometimes I'm upset with myself for having an opinion about everything. I suppose at times I'd prefer to be in the majority, the minds who think alike, because otherwise I feel like the outcast, or worst, the spoiled apple.

I hate being misunderstood. That's why sometimes I hate the fact that my vocabulary isn't top class, and that I'll say things that could potentially have several meanings. But I suppose in the end, it's up to those that hear you to give you the benefit of the doubt, to not see what you say in the most negative way possible. I aplplaud those people who are able to totally block out the views of others. Who knows, maybe one day I'll always be able to say what I wanna say and not think about it afterwards. That probably won't be anytime soon.