Bite Size 5

Care for some bites? No, I'm not gonna bite you!

• Don't you just feel sorry for people born on February 29? How is that fair to them? I can see the mother in labour at 11:58pm on Feb 29, just pleading with the doctors to stall on the birth so that the child can be born in March. But here's my question: If you're born on, say, Feb. 29, 1984, doesn't that mean that you're only 5.25 now? Because technically you've only had 5 birthdays. Hmmm...

• A beggar who was in a wheelchair in Cross Roads on Thursday abandoned his wheels and ran for his life to avoid being hit my a couple vehicles that were involved in an accident. The man was spotted soon after in the bushes, allegedly in pain, but police have not been able to locate him since. Well, he may not have gotten much cash on the road, but the road did provide him with a miracle! Maybe he'll go find work now.

• There's a friend I used to talk to on the phone very often. We sorta had a thing for each other. Anyway, at the time I was in a 'pray tell' phase, meaning that I used the phrase very often, particularly with her. "Pray tell, what piece of jewelry don't you like?" "What did you do today, pray tell?" Anyway, some time after, I was talking to her on campus, and got the laugh of the century. We were talking about old times, and she mentions, "I liked it when you called me Pray Tell!" I love you, but here's your sign!

• Terry McMillan, author of the popular books 'Waiting To Exhale', and 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back', a book based on her personal experience, filed for divorce after here husband of 7 years revealed to her that he 'found out' that he was gay. There are so many things wrong with this story. She now claims he only married her because he wanted her money and US citizenship. Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it? Or is it bitterness that's the bitch? In any case, it appears Stella has lost her groove again, and her husband has found his groove somewhere else (no pun intended).

• I had a traumatic experience the other day. I was using the PC in someone's home when I stumbled upon a small black piece of cloth on the computer chair. It looked like a head band or something. Anyway I didn't wanna sit on it, so I took it up to put it on the table. But then I realized it was no head band. I opened it up, only to realize that it was a skimpy little black thong! And, it was dirty (and yes, you know what I mean by dirty). What was I to say, "Excuse me, I found your dirty thong in the chair"? So I took it up again with two fingertips, and snuck into her bedroom and threw it on her bed. I almost died with laughter, but at the same time I was embarrassed for her, and for the situation I found myself in. So ladies, please, secure your g-strings!

Five sizeable bites should suffice.