I met this girl at UWI. She's become one of my closer friend (I hesitate to say 'closest' because we don't have the chance to talk as often as we'd like). A year or two ago she admitted to me that she was attracted to me; it was not that she wanted to be with me, she said, just an observation and nothing more. She left UWI last year, and now lives in western Jamaica with her boyfriend of many years.
Yesterday I got a text from her. It read, "I should have gotten over u by now its been forever and i still feel the same way. I prob(ably) shouldn't tell u this but i dont care i miss u." It came at an interesting time because I was in the process of sending Gail a text. My mind went berserk. "What's this I've gotten myself into? What's Gail gonna say/think? Have I led her on?" It all just didn't make sense. It didn't happen... it couldn't have happened.
About 5 minutes later I got another text. "That was not meant for you lol... How embarrassing," she said. Whew!!! Relief! So the pressure's off me... But wait! You notice I said at the beginning that she LIVES WITH HER BOYFRIEND??? So I texted her back, and asked her if she knows what she's doing. She said it was just how she was feeling at the moment and she just had to get it off her mind. I believed her, because I know that generally she hides her emotions because when she lets them out she tends to act on them. Today, she acted.
But the situation led me to a line of thought that had never really hit me before. I know people cheat for many different reasons, but for women is it largely because of their emotional selves? Is it that they can't resist that feeling inside that transcends the physical but taps into their emotion wells? Or is it one of the less popular reasons? Is it that women, just like men, are powerfully hormone-driven sexual beasts? I'm not a cheating person, so I really don't know. But for my friend to risk what's been a long a hard relationship on a well-aged fling she'd have to be really drowned by her emotions; or maybe she just wanted to get some.
I wonder.
5 comments:
In my few years on this earth I have learned that women in generral are not that diff from men, They are affected by lust and desire just as much as men are, but also I have learned that U cannot stereo-type people, never assume anything about someone. Women Desire just as much, sometime even more than men do, women usually are more descreet due many reasons, not the least of which is the rules society has imposed on them and the stereo-type they would find themselves under if they behaved like men. If anything I would say the main diff would be the level of emotional attatchment, which can be slightly greater. My time at UWI was an I opener, I realized that I use to think women were saints and all men (not including myself of course) were dogs. Now I know better, we are all humans, with hormones and socialization that draws us to each other, its the fact that we are 'civilized' that should differenciate us from animals, ie we are able to choose not to follow our natural/primal desires so as to allow us to better co-exist. OK need to stop I bloggin here, but you beet me to the punch, My trip to mobay opened my eyes to the sad state of things in terms of male female relations, I plan to still blog on it, but this you brought up is part of what is the heart of the matter, we no longer (assuming we ever did) think a relationship as being anything special enough for us to discipline ourselves.
What seeker said. Women are just as bad as men, theyre just better at it so it only seems they dont.
Over generalisations have men fighting to look good and women pretending that they are saints. There are all sorts of reasons most we can't understand until we have been in them ourselves. We can only thank God we haven't been so socialised or tempted.
'A' you lucky there was distance, wrong direction with the text and non-persistence from her, otherwise you may not be able to say so confidently that you ain't a cheating man.
it's both ways for both sexes me thinks.
Many a man will tell you they started to cheat when they found someone they could talk to. MAny a woman will tell you they cheated when they realised that : hey this guy could actually make me orgasm. Vice versa.
could it be for sex - sometimes. companionship - sometimes.
Noone should feel women are perfect. (we did feed the apple afterall.) We aree not saints. Society has brought us up to act a certain way - be modest with our sexuality, be shy, don't hit at any wanting of sexual fulfillment. So we stay in marriages that are not sexually gratifying (even when we did know from long before) and we grin an' bear it. Then we discover chapsies.
We are hormone-manipulated (to some extent) creatures as well. Could it be for sex? - yep. could it be for companionship? - yep.
Whatever the motive/excuse real or imagined, it happens and we need to learn to be open and honest with each other so that we avoid 'grinning and bearing it'.
I know I guilty of adjusting myself in all sorts of situations (friendships, relationships of all sorts) instead of being completely honest. Hence why I blog. I don't post about something to throw words at anyone. My posts speak to me first. If y'all can benefit too that's great.
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