Bite Size 4

I'm baaaaaaack!

• Mayor of Spanish Town, Raymoth Notice, handed in his resignation papers after his wife had him charged with one count of unlawful wounding, two counts of assault occasioning bodily harm and two counts of assault at common law. He claims the media has blown the whole situation out of proportion. I agree Mr. Notice... I mean, you only smacked her around every now and then, it's not like you killed her or anything, right? Jackass.
  

• See this is why I love writing- I took a trip down memory lane a few nights ago, reading through some letters, poems, and songs I've written in the past. It took me back to a night that I was trying to write a song, but I just kept drawing blanks. In my frustration, I decided to humour myself. It's the corniest love song line you'd ever hear, but I still find it hilarious, and sorta reminiscent of how many people feel (and how I felt at the time): "Love is in the air, but I'm too short to catch it!"

• Those cocky bastards called Americans... I was watching the NBA finals the other night and wondering why it is that when a champion team is crowned they refer to them as the world champions? Can someone tell me when the USA (and Toronto) became the world! The worst part is, the best all star team they could select from all the NBA teams got their asses whooped in the olympics. 'World Champions' my foot.

• OK, I know a couple med students will be reading this, so maybe they can offer some insight. Why is it that we humans relate love to the heart? "I love you with all my heart." Think about it... last time I checked, the heart pump blood, nothing else. It has no human emotions attached to it. All day, blood in, blood out. We might as well say "I love you with all my liver," or kidney, spleen, lung, or leg, or any other relevant appendage. In fact, I'll go further to say, if anything, we should be loving with our brains; afterall, the brain is the idiot that tells you that you're in love!

• I say all this risking my head, given I don't know what your middle names are like. But here goes... Why are some people so wicked to their children? Why would you name your child something that would sound like a rodent, or a fruit, or a name that existed mainly before Jesus' time? Originality is one thing, stupidity is another. Naming your child Barnabas in 2005 is stupidity. The same goes for Maniesha (I actually know her), Euphemia, and Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow must have been on painkillers). Please, I beg of you, be nice to your children; don't give them names they'll sue you for when they hit 18.

Gone for a beer. Don't choke now!