Cheating: Black & White?

I think my post Cheating Women may have started a wave of posts in other blogs relating to cheating, and now it's become a monster. With all the comments I've read, I had to revisit the topic of cheating and give my take on what cheating really is.

BB posed what I think are the most pertinent questions of them all: "Where are the lines really? Are they drawn by the wronger or wrongee? Or is there a 'standard' (or lack thereof)?" In other words, where does faithfulness end and cheating begin, and who decides? The answer is actually quite simple.

Every relationship has its own set of dynamics. Some people have 'open' relationships: they agree, for instance, that they can 'play the field' somewhat, but having sex is not an option. So for them, sex is cheating. But in relationships such as the one I'm in, kissing is cheating. Basically, the bounds of a relationship have to be decided by the persons involved in the relationship. I think that many times the problem is that both parties don't know each others' bounds and thus may do something which they believe to be acceptable not knowing that the partner doesn't approve. Other times, they're just being ignorant.

Whatever the case may be, I believe cheating has to involve some intimate relations; it could be that you flirt WITH intent (I flirt, I even do it in front of my girlfriend. But I do it for the fun of it; I have no intentions whatsoever, hence I'm not cheating), or you kiss, or have sex. Whatever it is, it can only be considered cheating if you're partner does not approve. HOWEVER, not everything your partner does not approve of is cheating.

To give practical examples: if you go out with your friends in the nights and your partner doesn't like it, that's not a cheating problem; it may mean your partner is possessive. If you sit in a friends lap and your partner doesn't approve, that's not necessarily cheating; your partner may just be a jealous person. Bear in mind these are just examples.

In the end, however, the reality of the situation is that it's not all black and white; they are some things that are bound to cause disruption between partners. I suppose the key is to try and do those things that make your partner happy, if you really want to, even if it means not doing certain things, despite the fact that you don't consider those things to be cheating actions. Relationships were never easy.

I hope my argument is foolproof. But that's a lot to expect.