We're TAXIMEN!

Wherever there are roads, you’ll find us,
Wherever people need rides, we’ll be there,
Wherever we can make money, there we will dwell
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

We’re efficient in our journey
Always swerving into the shorter line
Sometimes driving off the main and unto shortcuts
And sometimes getting stuck on those shortcuts
When nobody on the main will let us back on
But we squeeze our way back on
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

We stop at bus stops when nobody stops us
We point and blow like animated jackasses
We stop once stopped by a pedestrian
Even if it means blocking an ambulance
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

We crash a lot, though we’re never wrong
We run red lights at our discretion
If our cars had noses in the front
And other cars had ‘rear ends’ at their rear ends
We’d know how they smell
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

We cause others to swear a lot
We swear a lot ourselves
We tell passengers our life stories
Even when they don’t ask…
And make no mistake- we’re always the victims
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

Our broken taillights are never fixed
Our license plates are never red
We hide from the police like fugitives
Because we’re TAXIMEN!

We install portable DVD players
And show loads of music videos
Because there’s nothing people want more
Than to watch T-Pain sing
“I’m In Love With A Stripper”
At 7 in the morning,
And also because…
We’re TAXIMEN, dammit!