Bite Size 6

I've been starving you...

• You may have heard by now that Paris Hilton is engaged to a shipping-heir, Paris Latsis. And yes, Latsis is a man. Anyway, this comes a year or two after the popular and cleverly named "One Night In Paris" video was released unto the internet. We don't have to guess what was on the tape. But here's what worries me- in the event that someone decides to release a "One Night In Paris 2", how will we know which Paris they're talking about? Cause I'd hate to buy the tape and find out that it's a night in the wrong Paris... That's actually a scary thought.

• The Star reported that there was an increase in the number of foreign prisoners in our lock-ups last year relative to the year before. In 2003 there were 219; last year there were 223. Now here's my question: is that really that big a deal? I mean, is that really an increase worth mentioning? All that means is 4 more foreigners than the year before missed their flight in, or 4 more prisoners than the year before managed to dump their stash before the police drove up. Big deal!

• Black people are classic. Being a vampire, I've seen quite a bit of early morning TV programming, if you know what I mean. BET's 'BET Uncut' is a one-hour music video show. But the videos aren't the ones you'd see in the daytime. Instead they are some raw, sexually explicit videos with cruder lyrics and clapping behinds (the content is still edited, but to a minimum). Right after BET Uncut, a one-hour religious program with John Wittington comes on. So I'm thinking, what's the idea? Do I go out, have some jiggling asses in my face, then come back home and beg for forgiveness? Seems a little inappropriate to me.

• Just as Hurricane Dennis was 'approaching' the island, a community in St. Catherine blocked the road in protest (what's new, right?). They were complaining about the impending flooding that would occur due to poor drainage in the area. Police had to be called in to clear the roads. OK... hurricane, people on street... hurricane, people on street... Says Police Commissioner A.B.: "Mek dem tan! If dem waan fi block road when zinc a fly, power to dem! Officers, gwaan a unnu yard go mine unnu pickey dem!"

• A sign that you use messenger a little too much: Months ago I met this American woman while playing Literati in Yahoo! Games. We played each other for a week or two, and chatted in between. Eventually she asked me to add her in Yahoo Messenger, and so I did. However all this time we didn't talk. Then the other day I saw her online, only I completely forgot who she was. So we played this guessing game trying to find out who the other person was. Just before we figure it out, I tell her I'm Jamaican. She responds, "You truly don't sound like u have an accent..." Sorry babes, that was probably because I was typing too quietly... And they say we smoke too much weed!

Gobble gobble now!